I just don't get Will Ferrell.

 As my days of hoping someone will take note of my exceptional Ramen making skills and decide to give me a job dwindle, I decided I need to re-enter the work force. I hate filling out job applications though. And forget about building a resume. I couldn't build my way out of a Jinga set.  Unfortunately, they're an important part of seeking employment. I like to spice things up a bit by injecting some humor into the boring process of filling out applications. Here are some excerpts from my latest foray into the working world.

Q:
Describe a specific situation where you have provided excellent customer service in your most recent position.

A:
 By law, and a non disclosure agreement they made me sign before they would let me out of the building, I am not able to give out specific details on the tasks I performed at my last job.

Q:
Have you ever visited a Walgreens Location? Please describe your experience:

A:
Friendly, competent and courteous. Also, the one in Lake City smelled like fingernail polish remover and oranges, but that may have been the fumes from the four loko the cashier was drinking.


Q:
Have you ever been dismissed or forced to resign from any employment?


A:
My first job was working at a pet store as an "animal custodian." I was attacked by a herd of hairless rats and pooped on by several Macaws. I was also given the task of retrieving crickets for customers. I have achetaphobia, which is the phobia of crickets. Also, unbeknownst to me, I was allergic to a ferret that resided in the store, which resulted in a massive outbreak of hives. All in all, it was a failed experience.